Perharps...

Maybe I am harsh with my words, maybe I am wrong, maybe I shouldn't even bother, maybe my attitude really sucks. Maybe, there's too many maybe.

I really don't know why.

I am sorry.

To you and everyone.



*going hiatus, bye.

MYE is getting nearer.

PE sucks today, forgot to bring PE attire yet still have to run(walk) 2.4km. Idiot sia that teacher. Out of the whole class only me and Nadia forgot to bring, both see wrong timetable. Haha. Ran abit, but most of the time was walking as I had stomach pain): I think is gastric, not sure. I almost wanted to vomit. Me and Nadia was the last, haha. I perspired too much, until my whole uniform is wet.

After PE, bought drinks. Teacher treated us(: Thank you cher. Went back class, had Mother Tongue, boring like shit. Had listening compre, kept on falling asleep in between): Tired. Lessons continued.

Went home at ard 4 plus together with Nadia, she came my house awhile. And left only at 6 plus. Fetched my sis after she left. I will be fetching my sis this whole week (I am a good sister, ok). Will be busy this whole week. Bless me.

Xinfang, don't waver. There's nothing to worry about. *remember*

I am really clumsy.

Fell down this afternoon in the house while running to my room, damn cocky. Hha, end up have bruise on my knee and injure my hand. At first I scared that I broke my hand, haha. So funny. Then I was laughing and crying at the same time cause it was really pain. And I was afraid of breaking my hand.

Then yesterday, out with Nadia also I very clumsy. Nadia laughed at me, haha. I was talking to her telling her I saw something, then I was looking at the direction together with her. And I just bang through the shelves in Kiddy Places. So dumb la, hit until my shoulder and head.

I am not sure what other clumsy stuff is going to happen to me. *scared*

I am so happy.

I saw 阮經天 on television today, ahahhhh. So handsome and hot. Wooohooo, happy leh! Had Chinese tuition today, went home after it finished. Had been doing my maths homework for almost the whole day yet I cant complete it): I forgot alot of methods le. How how?

Might not online for the next few weeks. Mugging on my studies, there's too much to study on when exams is like 1 week time.

Ok, I am going to study now.

'Age is just a 3 letter word.'

I like this sentence alot. Haha. Slept only at 2AM last night yet I manage to wake up at 9AM this morning. I am lack of sleep. Met Nadia up at Jurong and head down to Marina to meet her dad. Her dad treated us to eat Han's. I like the soup(: Window shopping as I didn't get much from my mom cos I told her I dont need it. So dumb.

Headed home aftermath as I had a wedding dinner to attend to with my dad. Reach home used com awhile and went to Raffles Marina which is at Tuas the far end. Cab down from Pioneer. The dinner started only at 8.30 when we reach ard at7.45 which is like so early. Slept while waiting for it to start.

The bride is so pretty, and she is only 21. and the bridegroom is like 36. While, age gap doesn't matter for what matter is love(: Drank wine, not bad la. But very sour leh, then drink only 2 glass, face and neck start to abit red. So funny sia. Ha. The food there is not really nice, didn't even eat till full): But the sceneries there was nice. Get to see the sea.

Reached home and use com. I am afraid I cant wake up early tomorrow. Haha.

Lost for words.

Family? I doubt there's this word in my dictionary.

All I get was scolding, what about her? Sister broke the cup, I have to carry up with the reponsibility. Ridiculous. Ha. I cleaned up for her, yet she just went back to her room like no body's fucking business. IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO HAVE SIBLINGS THAT ARE OLDER THAN YOU RIGHT? Cut my finger while helping her to clean up.

Yet when my dad came out, he didn't even fucking care about my injured finger, and he went on scolding me, asking me to clean it up CLEAN. For he worried only about his own safety. NOW I FINALLY UNDERSTAND I AM THE LEAST IMPORTANT TO YOU. Even a cup is much more worth it. It's irony.

Afterall, I am just an unwanted rubbish. Why am I crying like shit when others dont even bother a damn fuck about me? I am not that strong afterall.

Troubled.

There's too much things in life for me to handle. I am afraid that I will break down any moment ): I think I am running a high fever, feeling very tired. Lack of sleep these few days, how I wish I can shut my mind just for 1 day. Cast aside everything, and get a good sleep ZzzzZz.

I want to fall sick, so that I wouldn't have to go school. Spread sickness to me please. Fever, flu, sore throat COME TO ME.

Damn it.

In a foul mood now. Screw friends, family. Wouldn't life be better without these?

Early in the morning is already fed up already, yet after reaching school things get worser. I know my attitude and temper suck. BUT .. If you are late, please feel apologetic about it, dont treat it as though nothing happen. I have my limits, dont make me wait for you most of the time, you think it is fun waiting? When you have to wait for almost every week. TRY IT YOURSELF AND TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT ! Dont take my patience for granted. I am not that kind.

Things get worser during band. Fed up, don't think that you are the only one that is angry. I am too, it is just that I don't feel like mentioning it out. I didn't told you to go Ashwini's group. I told teacher that you are in our group. Mind you, you can ask Yilin and Jerlene about it. Fuck up. I just feel so damn angry about being accused. YOU THINK I LIKE IT? Come and stand in my shoes if there's a need.

COME AND BE ME FOR 1 DAY. WITH YOUR ASSY BROTHER FINDING FAULTS AT YOU, PINNING YOU DOWN TILL YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. COME ON AND TRY. COME AND ENDURE ALL THESE SUFFERINGS. YOU THINK I LIKE IT? DAMN IT. YOU THINK I AM ANGRY FOR NO REASON.

After saying all this, I dont think that there's even a need to explain about it. Take it as my fault, since you are so sure about it. FUCK UP. If you are not happy because of me liking what you like, I CAN DONT LIKE THAT PARTICULAR THING, I DONT MIND AT ALL. I CAN EVEN TAKE IT AWAY OFF MY DISPLAY PICTURE.

Fuck Friends& Family.

Tough luck day.

Had only 5 hours plus of sleep last night as I can't finish my Chemistry on time. So was doing it till late at night. Last to sleep among the whole family. End up, still didn't get it done. In the end, went to school the next day to finish it up.

So unlucky to be caught early in the morning for fringe. I bet she will be checking on me tomorrow morning. Suck man, so many ppl didn't clip, yet she only catch me. OPEN YOUR EYES BIGGER PLEASE, IF NOT WEAR A SPECTACLE. Damn you, dick face.

Glad that tomorrow is a late day so will be able to have more time on my bed. MY PRECIOUS TIME. And there's Chinese test tomorrow): Gotta do well in it, as I had a deal with mom. (Nadia heard it too) So mom, if you want to deny, I got a witness. Haha.

Had been eating Mac as my dinner for the last 2 days with Nadia. I guess my pocket is going to have a hole sooner or later. Should start saving up^^. This is a meaningless post.

A quick post before I go sleep.

Today's rehearsal is like shit. The weather is damn humid even for the past few days too. Argh, keep perspiring. After rehearsal went home with Nadia, bathe and off to Yewtee Mac to get our homework done. Ate there and someone treated us. 'So kind'. Do part of my homework only as I was helping Nadia out with her Chinese. Such a good friend. *Self praise, haha.*

Home aftermath with dad coming to fetch me from Yewtee. Had been doing my homework since I return home yet I still cant finish Chemistry. Ass it, too much Chemistry to do. Argh, Fed up. I dont think I will be completing, might be asked to stay back and finish it up. Damn it, I wonder who can finish it on time, tsk.

Oh yeah, I finally got 24/27 (a pass) for my POA test. I had been failing every POA test since the start,such a bad start. HAHA. Feeling so proud of myself now, self praise again.

Went crazy with Nadia today. Good sign! :D

I am so pissed off now.

1.Phone spoilt yet dad doesnt want to buy me a new one. It is getting worser.
2.The new 50 inch plasma tv arrive today and dad had been watching it since the moment it arrive till now.
3.My sis is crying like fuck now, mum is scolding her. So noisy.
4.I have yet to eat my lunch and they are making a din out of it.

So moody now, PISSED OFF. How I wish I can just shut her mouth out. Slap her right in her face. DAMN IT. Weekend sucks the most if you gonna stay at home whole day.

Angry, angry, angry.

Fuck my handphone, die on me! Keypad spoilt, cannot call out and receive calls. And the clear button is spoil too. Fine, stupid phone. Die on me now of all moment. (F) it man! I think it is because I drop on the floor too many times): I WANT TO CHANGE PHONE LAH.

So angry now, stupid phone. STUPID ME. *scream*

FYI: For the time being, you guys contact me via MSN, if there is a need, send me a message, don't call. I don't know how the hell am I going to answer calls with that damn call button spoilt.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I want get this soft toy! But why online is selling it so expensive. Argh! It is so cute, yet Daniel say so ugly): Save money, save money.

School today sucks, I was tired and slept for 3 periods. Mr Goh say I look like a evil devil this year. Idiot sia, where got look like? After school went to eat at YewTee Square with Nadia. Home aftermath, currently watching 娛樂百分百. 羅志祥 is so cute(:

Why bother to lie to me when you can simply tell me the truth?

I am feeling so sick now. Back from Warehouse show and IMM. Woke up late these two days. Don't know why, feel so tired. Accompanied dad& uncle to warehouse show at Pioneer. Dad bought his 50 inches television. He is striking rich, keep buying things when the old ones have not spoilt. Waste money, I rather he buy a new laptop for me. Argh.

Bought already, went to IMM to had our dinner. Had a small tiff with my dad as he didn't want to bring me to SWENSEN to have my dinner. Asshole. Aftermath, shop around looking at furnitures. I told dad that I want to change my bed to queen size double bed. He ask me why I need so big bed-.- Of course to sleep comfortably la. I want Kingkoil matteress.

Respect others, before you want others to respect you.

Webcam is so cool. I want to play with webcam!!

Literature is killing me, have to do the literature poetry contest. I haven't even started on it. Inspiration come to me. I think I am gonna die for literature. What the hell. Give me some power to think, God.

Tomorrow is a late day. Meeting Nadia for breakfast at YewTee. There is a shopping centre(for like finally) which have almost all the fast food restaurant. KFC, Burger King, Long John, Mac, Subway, Sushi, Xin Wang Cafe, Koufu. Waahoooooo, next time want eat can don't worry about no food to eat le. Still can everyday eat different kind of food.

Off to do literature.

I♥ 阮经天, 古天乐, 贺军翔, 罗志祥, 黄晓明, 彭于晏, 炎亚纶, 模范棒棒堂& Kid.

So 'hua xin'. They are all so hot& shuai lor. (Xinfang, control yourself lah)



Lazy, off I go.
*This post is super random, I advise you guys to skip through it.

忍痛

I'm so sick with all these families problem, suck. I feel inferior, I am always left out in one corner of the house. I am always invisible. I have so many things I want to complain/rant about, but are you guys always there to listen to it? I don't like going home, I don't like the feeling of home. Once I am home, you guys nag at me. I did my best in the exam, try to get back good result. But does all these matter to you guys?

How come I am feeling so inferior in this 'home'? I hardly talk to you guys although we live under one roof and spend my everyday here. It is only sometime I feel love, the rest of the time I feel more hatred. (If only someone can stand in my shoes and understand how I feel.)

Sometime I really wish to run away, I can't take it. I really hate being the middle kid, hate being the second eldest/youngest child. It suck. I feel like breaking down at times and really cry out loud and sort out my mixed feelings. I am feeling terrible now, super. I told myself that I would hate you guys for life, but when you guys treat me good, I become soft hearted and told myself to forget those unpleasant past.

Sometimes I wonder, is my hot temper cause by you guys. Those stress that you guys give me. I am feeling so idiotic right now. Somehow or rather, I think I have split personalities. When I am in school with Nadia, Peixuan they all I appeared to be fine/happy. But once I am home, I changed, my face was super dull. And I hardly smile/ laugh at home unless I am watching video using my computer. You guys like to shout at me and when I shout back, you guys scold me. Said I am disrespectful.

You guys treat me nicely when you guys want things, and when you are done with it, you just dump me aside. I am not someone with no feelings ok. I want a shoulder to lean on so much. How complicated a 家 can be?

Pain.

Having stomachache now, so idiotic. And I keep having the urge of wanting to vomit): Somehow or rather, I wish I am sick. So I don't need to attend school. School is so bored, hardly pay attention to what teachers are teaching. I think I am going to fail quite a number of tests. Good luck to me then. Sucks.

1 more day till weekend, I am looking forward to weekend. So that I can have my long beautiful sleep without having to think that I am late for school or some other stuff which will make me have cold sweat. Weekend, I am coming. WAIT FOR ME! I really hate Thursday, all main 4 subjects(Science(C&P), MT,EL,MA) are all on Thursday. Which can make you wanting to take a nap in the middle of a few lesson. Suck suck suck.

I am currently doing some research on Europe, places of interest. Anyone have any ideas on how to start it? Contact me, please. I really doesn't know where to start off. And it have to be handed in latest by Monday. I don't want to spend my weekend on these, so some kind soul please help me to finish it if possible by today. Just give me some rough ideas will do.

Ok, the pain is really unbearable. DOCTOR, WHERE ARE YOU? COME HERE QUICK. GIVE ME THE STRONGEST AND MOST EFFICIENT MEDICINE WHICH CAN CURE MY PAIN!

FYI: I ♥ 阮经天 (I think Nadia and PeiXuan had heard it for like a thousand time. I am so sorry then.)

April Fool.

SYF yesterday, got bronze(should be a high bronze). Many cried, cos' we thought we could attain a better result as we had do all our best and given all our best. But, yesterday's SYF had many schools taking bronze and few silver.

Anyway, back to today. It's April Fool, thank god no one play a prank on me(: Was really feeling very tired since yesterday. To make things worst, I had stomachache in the morning during morning assembly. But after some time, slowly ok ok.

After school had debrief at Arts Hub about our performance for yesterday. It last till 3.30, then Nadia & I went for Chemistry test. Didn't even study for it, confirm fail. Anyhow draw, describe, explain. Doesn't even link with the question. Out of point. Idiot(I am scolding myself).

I don't know why, I had been reading books these few days/weeks. I had read finish 2 books in total for the past one week. And I find those 2 books interesting and nice. Both books are real life story which happened to both authors. The books are: "The Lost Boy" by Dave Pelzer and "Ugly" by Constance Briscoe. And now, I am starting on the third book, "The Learning Curve".

Oh. Today is my cousin's birthday, so happy 15th birthday Hong Rei(: It must suck to have birthday falls on April Fool right? You must be tricked or teased by some of your friends. Poor boy. Haha.

With this, I think I am going to end my post.