忍痛
I'm so sick with all these families problem, suck. I feel inferior, I am always left out in one corner of the house. I am always invisible. I have so many things I want to complain/rant about, but are you guys always there to listen to it? I don't like going home, I don't like the feeling of home. Once I am home, you guys nag at me. I did my best in the exam, try to get back good result. But does all these matter to you guys?
How come I am feeling so inferior in this 'home'? I hardly talk to you guys although we live under one roof and spend my everyday here. It is only sometime I feel love, the rest of the time I feel more hatred. (If only someone can stand in my shoes and understand how I feel.)
Sometime I really wish to run away, I can't take it. I really hate being the middle kid, hate being the second eldest/youngest child. It suck. I feel like breaking down at times and really cry out loud and sort out my mixed feelings. I am feeling terrible now, super. I told myself that I would hate you guys for life, but when you guys treat me good, I become soft hearted and told myself to forget those unpleasant past.
Sometimes I wonder, is my hot temper cause by you guys. Those stress that you guys give me. I am feeling so idiotic right now. Somehow or rather, I think I have split personalities. When I am in school with Nadia, Peixuan they all I appeared to be fine/happy. But once I am home, I changed, my face was super dull. And I hardly smile/ laugh at home unless I am watching video using my computer. You guys like to shout at me and when I shout back, you guys scold me. Said I am disrespectful.
You guys treat me nicely when you guys want things, and when you are done with it, you just dump me aside. I am not someone with no feelings ok. I want a shoulder to lean on so much. How complicated a 家 can be?
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