FML........

So I was clearing my room in time for CNY...... and seriously fml so badly that at the point of time I want to cry so badly (I was clearing away my books to make space for my room.) T.T I really hate myself so much for being so stupid whenever it comes to major examinations..... Always, I let myself down during such cases- PSLE, O level, repetition. I know I can't blame anyone but myself. (I should go bang my head against the wall so badly till I know how to face the reality..)

If time could turn back, I really want to go back to the start of sec 4 and put in effort in my study. My academic results drop so badly from sec 3 to sec 4. Fml much but who to blame except myself being so engross with my kpop daily..... )))):

Now, I know how realistic the world is lor.... After release of results, ppl start to ask: "eh, how much you get??!?!?!?!", Me:"(sad face) fml la, (stupidly giggle)...... i want retake o lvl!!!!!!" Perhaps study hard doesn't beat study smart!!!! That's one thing for sure for me.

To the point of which I tolerated some nasty comment made. (don't know whether if the person need to be so straightforward not!!!!!!_l_) So she asked me "oh ya, how's your o lvl result?" and me being me said, "hai hao lor..... (okok, which obviously is a lie)" and she start digging and digging more information from me. So I went "er......L1R4.... L1R5..... (sorry I really find it embarrassing to type my results here so don't bother finding it.)" then her immediate reaction was " huh!!!!! SO LOUSY STILL DARE TO SAY YOUR RESULT?!?!" Fml so badly that at that moment I can only fucking smile and giggle like some bitch ass _l_....... (which I don't understand why I did, maybe out of embarrassment.. T.T) Then yes, the most horrible thing happen, COMPARING OF RESULTS........ bitching about who's fare the highest score, can go to those reputable junior college to me for having such lousy result not knowing which school to accept me. And to them for having some smart brains there that doesn't need much studying and yet can score good grades, to me study don't know what and result being shit.

YA..... SO FML SO BADLY. Sometimes when you really don't want to care nor think much about it, ppl start to probe and cause misery to you. I also want to be proud of myself someday and say "HEY, THOSE WHO LOOK DOWN ON ME LAST TIME SO BADLY, I FUCKING OWN THIS TIME ROUND. COME AND KNEEL IN FRONT OF ME AND BEG ME FOR FORGIVENESS FOR LOOKING DOWN ON ME." Even if I have to lose something important I also don't want to be look down by others. FYI, IT SUCKS ALOT!!!!!!!

I want to retake my o lvl lor............. (this is how much I hate my result, how much I hate myself.)